


Find Us In That Forest

by starrylitme



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bears, Blood and Gore, Budding Love, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Sweethearts, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Forests, Gun Violence, Isolation, Mental Instability, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Character Death, Repressed Memories, Soulmates, Suggestive Themes, Tenko/Himiko and Saihara/Amami mentions, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: It's a story about two girls lost in a forest together.How it ends is for you to decide.(NDRV3 High School AU where Maki and Kaede are soulmates entwined, both in body and in story. Largely based off the manga retelling of Yuri Kuma Arashi.)





	Find Us In That Forest

**Author's Note:**

> So initially, this was going to be a gift fic for the v3 exchange, but like... Apparently the giftee didn't want any gore so I wrote that domestic KaeMaki instead. But I was crazy far into this story so I decided to just...finish it anyway...several months later, whoops.
> 
> I recently read the manga of YuriKuma and really wanted to write *something* YuriKuma-related and this was what I came up with. The manga is super different from the anime, mind you, but I still like...recommend it if you're a fan of the anime because it's...really interesting and wild in its own way.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy and send feedback~! I worked pretty hard on this fic. :'D

The music room is just down the hallway so even in the library, it’s easy to hear. That would be irritating—if what being played was anything but Akamatsu’s piano. She’s playing Debussy’s _Clair de Lune_ again. That’s one of her favorite ones to play.

_Akamatsu Kaede..._

“It is quite lovely,” Toujou was agreeing quietly as Shirogane nodded quite happily.

“Ah, of course, Akamatsu-san in general is very, very lovely,” Shirogane said matter-of-factly. “Don’t you _think_ so, Harukawa-san?”

Irritating.

“You are being too noisy,” she replied curtly. “And too nosey.”

Shirogane giggled as she shut her book and slipped out of her desk.

“Everyone sees how you look at her, Harukawa-san!” she called after her. It irritated her further.

Even though, of course, such things did not matter.

* * *

The world she lives in is a very gray one. Dull. Cold. Devoid of even pleasant sounds and scents. But it had always been that way, ever since she was little and saw someone’s blood on her hands for the first time.

She does not remember anything past the blood. She does not need to. Either way, the damage was done and she shut down.

She would not be a drain on society, of course. Such would let down the kindly people who raised her, and so she still dressed herself properly, took care of herself properly, tying up her hair and running a brush through it several times over as necessary. She survived, even if she did not live.

Until Akamatsu Kaede. When she encountered Akamatsu Kaede...

Color. Warmth. Music. Fragrance.

Such sensations had only been within her grasp when Akamatsu Kaede brushed past her, golden hair glimmering in the sunlight, and smile bright as she laughed. For once, the world had been vibrant.

For once, she felt alive.

She does not know why this is, _why_ _Akamatsu Kaede_ , but frankly, she does not care. All that matters to her are these feelings, these sensations that have been made possible. All that matters is Akamatsu Kaede, the source of it all.

“Oh,” Akamatsu is always bright, but here, she seems to brighten even more. “Harukawa-san! Good morning!”

“Morning, Akamatsu,” she returned curtly. “Your recital was lovely as expected, yesterday.”

“I remember seeing you there! I wish you stayed,” Akamatsu sighed almost wistfully. “Harukawa-san, you love classic music too, don’t you?”

“Not particularly,” she answered honestly.

“But you said you liked Moonlight Sonata,” Akamatsu pointed out, not one to be deterred. “That’s pretty classic!”

“It’s just a song I happen to like,” she said coolly, even as she idly played with one of her ponytails. “I come to your recitals and concerts because I have nothing better to do. So, don’t misunderstand. I do not share your obsession.”

Akamatsu’s smile fell, cheeks puffing out.

“Harukawa-san, you’re awfully blunt. If you don’t particularly care for piano, why can’t you find anything better to do besides watch me play?”

_Because there is nothing better than you._

“I like watching you play and there _is_ nothing better to do.” There wasn’t. Of course not. How could there be?

Akamatsu blinked a few times. Her cheeks were such a pretty shade of pink, thanks to the blush she applied every morning.

“Oh, that’s right,” she said and then she laughed radiantly. “Harukawa-san is prickly on the outside, but soft and tender on the inside! Either way, either way, I really, really appreciate it! If my music can reach Harukawa-san’s soft and tender heart, then I must be doing something _really_ special!”

Maki feels her face warm.

“...you play for that purpose. So saying that...is unnecessary. Or is it flattery?”

“It’s sincerity!” Akamatsu claimed. She couldn’t help but narrow her gaze. But she said nothing more on the matter.

_...I sincerely mean every word I say as well. It is possible Akamatsu doesn’t fully understand that._

It wouldn’t be that surprising.

Akamatsu Kaede was bright, brilliant, beautiful, but also a bit of an idiot.

* * *

If her old friend from the orphanage were still around, if that person were witnessing this, Maki knows her well enough to predict what she’d ask.

_“So, you’re in love with Akamatsu Kaede-chan, right?”_

“No,” Maki would say. “She is merely my soulmate.”

_“Merely? Being a soulmate is a pretty big deal!”_

“No, it really isn’t,” Maki would reply. “It just is what it is.”

_“Is it different from being in love?”_

“Some would say yes,” Maki would say. “But, functionally, it might as well be the same. So, I suppose I _should_ say that I’m in love with her.”

_“Maki-chan... That’s a little confusing. Don’t tell me you don’t actually know...?”_

“I don’t,” Maki would say. Easily. “Why would I? This is the first time I’ve ever felt this way about anyone.”

But then, those words would taste off, making Maki pause and blink twice.

“...I think.”

* * *

“You have an eye for fashion, Amami-kun, so you need to tell me your opinion!”

“Ahaha, not really, Shirogane-san...”

“Checkmate, Momota-chan.”

“Damn you! Quit playing dirty!”

“Ehhhhh?! Me, dirty?! T-That’s so cruel! U _waaaaah_!”

“Stop trying to fool people with your crocodile tears! Tenko sees _straight_ through them!”

“Guys... Please...”

“ _Ohhh_? Is _Shittyhara_ trying to speak up?”

“ _Everyone_!” Akamatsu’s hands come down hard on the table, and at that moment, Maki murderously glares at them all from behind Akamatsu’s stern face. “It’s the _library_! People are trying to study! Don’t be so noisy!”

Somehow, they all quieted after that. Iruma whimpered. Ouma giggled as Momota glared at him before interrogating him on whether he moved pieces while they were all turned away—Ouma lies, of course. Hoshi huffs, but returns to reading without raising so much as a fuss. Maki sympathized there, at least.

But when Akamatsu seats herself back down with a sigh, Maki only stared at her quietly and curiously.

“...Oh, Harukawa-san,” Akamatsu perked up. “They really were getting rowdy, weren’t they? But some would say that’s just to be expected from high school kids. Especially in a _gifted_ school like this.”

Gifted. What an unpleasant word.

“It’s irritating,” she said.

“Well, they have their good points too, obviously,” Akamatsu laughed. And then, of course, she noticed something that had her smile faltering with exasperation. “Yumeno-san, please _don’t_ eat the books!”

Chabashira pulled Yumeno away, even if she did so a bit too fondly and affectionately, patting Yumeno’s head and smiling adoringly down at Yumeno’s half-glazed eyes blinking back at her. And that, of course, earned Chabashira to quickly kiss her forehead. Just a quick kiss. They were in a library after all.

Still, it was daring, but unsurprising given the kind of person Chabashira _was_.

“...Harukawa-san.” She snapped back to attention at Akamatsu’s small, curious smile. “What book are you reading?”

“...it’s about bears. I’m only reading it because someone I knew really liked it and I wanted to see for myself if was any good,” she replied. Akamatsu’s head tilts. That curious smile remains.

“Well, is it?”

“...Not particularly.”

She doesn’t really like bears in the first place.

* * *

She’s never really liked bears. There had been a time in her life where some model made a fashion statement out of this wretched-looking monochromatic bear and she was one of the few girls not following the trend due to comparable amounts of disinterest and distaste.

She’s never really liked bears.

The nightmares she’s begun to have aren’t doing bears any favors.

They start in a dark forest. She knows the person running is Akamatsu because of the golden blond hair where moonlight catches. But as beautiful as Akamatsu is as always, she’s all the more striking from how her features are twisted in terror.

“No! _No_!”

She can’t run forever. The bears catch up eventually, and gobble her up, leaving blood all over the grass and _her hands, her hands, all over her hands, she can even taste it in the **air**_ —

Maki’s woken up at this part more times than she can count. It’s always in a cold sweat, and her dislike of bears always increases each and every time this happens.

* * *

 

“Good morning, Harukawa-san.”

“...Good morning, Akamatsu.”

That beautiful smile fades for a bit and her mood worsens for it.

“Are you alright? You look...tired.” Akamatsu leans in, frowning with worry. “Did you have a rough night?”

“Mind your own business,” she snapped irritably. “Go back to smiling like an idiot. It’s what you do best.”

_It’s the only way I feel alive sometimes._

“Ah,” Akamatsu ducks her head sheepishly. “Sorry, Harukawa-san. I’ll give you some space.”

_No. Wait._

“I’ll go on ahead,” Akamatsu was saying. “I’ll see you in class.”

_Wait, wait._

“See you, Harukawa-san.”

“...See you.”

_Please, wait._

* * *

She’s so sick with irritation that she ends up sleeping in the nurse’s office. She takes medication for the migraine she has, and she glares at herself in the mirror as she fixes up her makeup to look more presentable.

“Harukawa-san?” _Urgh._ “Oh, Harukawa-san, you really shouldn’t twist your pretty face up like that.”

“Mind your own business, Shirogane.”

Shirogane giggles, but she nods. “Very well. I’ll focus more on my plain self than the pretty Harukawa-san.”

_Urgh._

“But if I may, Harukawa-san,” she went on. “How are things going between you and Akamatsu-san? She seemed a little down today. She quite openly said it was because she was worried about you.”

Of course she did. Of course.

“Nosey,” she muttered, clipping her hair back.

“Ah, forgive me,” Shirogane said insincerely with a hand on her cheek. “I just worry when something’s happened between my dear, dear classmates. After all, life isn’t a manga where all drama can be tidied up with a pretty bow. Although nowadays stories don’t always guarantee emotional fulfillment by the end. It seems the ambiguous endings with several loose threads are what’s popular right now. Isn’t that sad? I miss when times were simpler.”

“I don’t care.”

“No, you don’t,” Shirogane replied, giggling. “Why would you ever care about a plain girl like me when you have Akamatsu-san? She really is quite lovely. Everyone can see how you look at her.”

She goes for one ponytail today instead of two because she just doesn’t have the time for this.

“Shirogane, please don’t approach me for the rest of the day,” she said, lowly and coldly. “There is no telling what _I_ might do if you do.”

“Kyaaa, scary!” Shirogane squealed.

Maki turned on her heel and stomped away.

Thankfully, nothing more needed to be said. And she wasn’t approached. Sadly, her mood didn’t improve much, when Akamatsu spent that day laughing and chatting up a group of the guys. That idiot Momota seemed to have just as wide a grin as the one that Akamatsu wore.

Maki gritted her teeth.

* * *

Akamatsu is once again spending afterschool hours on the piano. She watches her from the window in the door, but she does not step into the room. Instead, she pulls back, and listens to Akamatsu play.

She’s listened to enough of Akamatsu’s playing to recognize this song. She’s listened to Akamatsu ramble on and on about music to know that it’s not from Chopin or Beethoven. The actual composer’s name is on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t care that much to spend too much thought trying to figure it out.

She does remember the name, for sure. It’s German. _Liebesfreud_. Love’s Joy.

As always, Akamatsu plays beautifully.

As always.

It isn’t until Akamatsu leaves the piano to go fetch her bag that Maki hurries down the hall before she can be seen.

* * *

Another nightmare. Another cold morning.

Akamatsu waves at her. She glances back, returning the other’s stare. Akamatsu falters like a dimming, dying light, and drops her hand. Akamatsu looks away, but Maki does not. Not for a while, at least.

Even when she sits down in class, her eyes inevitably remain locked onto Akamatsu, who is very patiently but very irritably telling Iruma off. Akamatsu who offers a smile and a laugh, even as she trips over her words with Gonta.

Akamatsu does brighten up a little when talking to Amami, in part due to the other’s easygoing air. When Ouma starts being difficult, Akamatsu straightens up even more when scolding him.

Akamatsu meets her eyes. Her eyes narrow sharply, and politely, Akamatsu quickly looked away.

_You really are perfect, aren’t you?_

There’s an odd, unpleasant, despicable feeling rising up in her gut. One that she doesn’t want to name, but holds an intense dislike for regardless.

Shirogane smiles back at her briefly, and then she taps Akamatsu’s shoulder. Akamatsu turned to her, and Shirogane begins to talk about trivial frivolous matters. Hobbies and shopping. Stupid things like that.

Akamatsu is so animated when conversing. Akamatsu is beyond _bright_.

Maki’s fists are tight enough to burst.

“Ah, Maki.” Angie tapped her shoulder. She does not look, but she can feel the bright, innocent blue of her eyes blinking at her. “There’s such dark energy radiating off you. That’s no good.”

No good. No good at all.

“...I’m going to the nurse again,” she muttered darkly, and stood from her seat. Angie blinked up at her again, and simply nodded with a smile. Akamatsu does glance, but by then, she’s already out of the classroom.

She sleeps for the rest of the period. She gets sleeping medicine from the nurse, for good measure.

* * *

She spends the rest of the day in stoic silence, refusing conversation with anyone who tries to engage her. Angie, Shirogane, Saihara, Momota, Iruma, Ouma—what did they all matter? They weren’t Akamatsu.

“...Harukawa-san...”

“Akamatsu,” she returned coolly. She turns, and from the light filtering from the hallway window, Akamatsu’s soft features look sharper. “Yes?”

“Are you alright?” Akamatsu asked, frown deepening. “You seem...exhausted. Did something happen? Have you been having trouble sleeping?”

“I took medication,” she replied. “I should be fine.”

Akamatsu looked doubtful.

“You’ve still been behaving worryingly. We’re all worried about you, Harukawa-san.”

“That’s unnecessary,” she said.

“You’re a part of our class,” Akamatsu said simply, matter-of-factly. Maki looks at the band around Akamatsu’s arm. “You can’t expect us not to worry.”

“I can,” she said. “Just because we spend a lot of time in the same room does not mean we are close. I’ve been in the same room for long stretches of time with _many_ people I wouldn’t consider myself close to.”

“Oh come _on_ , Harukawa-san,” Akamatsu complained. “Aren’t we friends?”

Maki blinked. Once. Twice.

**_“Aren’t we friends, Maki—?”_ **

She flinched.

“Harukawa-san...?” Akamatsu most definitely sounded worried as she rubbed furiously at her temple, eyes screwed shut, curled over and shaking. “Harukawa-san?!”

Akamatsu took her shoulders. Immediately, Maki shoved her off.

“...Don’t touch me.”

“A-Ah...” Akamatsu trembled, hand still outstretched, but then she pulled back, nodding before bowing her head. “Sorry...”

“...I’m...going to go, Akamatsu-san. I apologize.”

Maki turned on her heel and continued on her heel. And of course, even with the distance, she heard Akamatsu’s almost muted little murmur.

“...I’ll be seeing you...”

* * *

Akamatsu did not bother her at all the next morning. And when Maki glanced at her conversing with someone else, Akamatsu often shrugged her shoulders.

When people approached her, she was curt. So, they stopped. She was sleeping better anyway. So, she was less exhausted. Another day passed and she was feeling much, much better. She even said as much to anyone who still bothered to ask. And yet. And _yet_.

“...I’m sorry. For a few days ago.”

“Huh...?” Akamatsu perks up. She’s just putting her books away. She’s only staying behind because she needs to clean the classroom. That’s it. That’s all. “Oh, Harukawa-san, you don’t need to apologize for that.”

“I had a nightmare,” she said quietly. “I saw you die. It was troubling.”

Akamatsu blinks owlishly.

“Sometimes I think you’re reckless,” she went on, shaking just a little. “Sometimes, I think...you’re so reckless that you’d throw yourself in front of someone about to get shot. Or push someone out of the way of a car and get hit yourself. Something...like that.”

“Those are the kinds of things you worry about, Harukawa-san?” Akamatsu asked. “I...”

“It’s stupid,” she huffed. “I know.”

“I’m sorry,” Akamatsu said instead. Her smile is sad and apologetic. The world looks all the fuzzier for it. “I don’t want to worry you like that, so I’ll try to be more careful, then. More patient. I’ve been thinking that pushiness and impatience could very easily get myself killed or hurt one day. Haha.”

Maki blinks back. She says nothing. Akamatsu has the prettiest blush.

“If I’m worrying someone like you, I really must be overdoing _something_. I really am sorry, Haruka...”

Akamatsu’s cheeks are soft and warm against her hands. Her lips are softer and warmer against her own. Akamatsu is still, but all the same, she holds her face steadily. And then, slowly, she pulls away.

“...You really have too much faith in others, Kaede.”

And then she kisses her again. Kaede takes her arms and pulls her closer.

* * *

“Harukawa-san...”

“Maki.”

“Maki-san...”

“Just Maki.”

“Maki...”

“Hmm?”

“Mmm...”

Kaede shivers as she nips at her neck. Her pianist fingers brush against her cheek and she paused briefly to nuzzle at her hand. Kaede lets out a breathless giggle of sorts.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve only dreamt about this with you, Maki,” she sighs out. “I’m glad. I’m definitely glad you feel the same way.”

Maki blinks once, and Kaede pulls her into another kiss.

“...I’m glad,” Maki finally responded as they parted. Kaede’s smile is blinding. The world is so much brighter, so much sweeter for it.

_...but. Something still feels..._

“Maki- _chan_ ,” Kaede purred, caressing her cheek and jaw. She flinched, stilled, and then.

“Just _Maki_.”

Kaede is the one blinking at her, but then she smiled again and nodded.

“Okay, Maki.”

She’s pulled into another kiss.

* * *

It was everything she ever wanted, and yet.

_Something’s wrong. I feel like I’ve done something wrong._

Maki feels her flushed cheeks afterwards, after they’ve parted completely and Kaede waved goodbye so cheerfully. As Maki walks, passing by several windows, stepping in orange light after shadow after orange after shadow—her mind is buzzing. It’s as though something is _bubbling_.

_Something’s wrong. But what? What?_

**_Why don’t I remem—_ **

Maki stops. And then, quite viciously, she shook her head.

_It doesn’t matter._

* * *

With Kaede, things feel perfect. With Kaede, things feel right. That’s all there was to it.

“Maki!” Kaede latched onto her first thing, arms looping tightly around her waist as she nuzzled into her shoulder. “Good morning!”

“...Kaede.” She nodded, and she pats Kaede’s cheek in return. “You seem excitable. Why?”

“Mm? Isn’t it obvious?” Kaede laughed. “I’m happy to see you, Maki!”

“It is the start of the school day. We are in front of the school building. Of course you would see me.”

Kaede puffs her cheeks out, pouting but pulling away all the same with a dramatic sigh.

“I shouldn’t even be surprised.”

Still, Kaede takes her hand and squeezes it tightly. Of course, Maki squeezed in return.

“...Good morning, Kaede.”

Kaede grinned, looking all the more radiant with how the sunshine caught in her hair, highlighting the pretty pink of her cheeks. And then, Kaede none too gently yanked her forward.

* * *

Kaede is talking with Toujou about organizing some event. She notices Maki’s staring, and waves at her cheerfully before going right back to the conversation. She chats animatedly, with enthusiastic gesturing, all while Toujou keeps her hands folded demurely and only gives polite nods with her calm replies.

“Akamatsu-san seems to be in a much better mood,” Saihara comments from beside her. “That’s good. I’m glad you and her made up, Harukawa-san.”

“So you noticed,” she replied idly, not surprised but still giving him a sharp look. Saihara did shrink back almost apologetically, did duck his head so that his long bangs hid his gaze from hers.

“Ah, yes...”

For something with such a keen sense of perception, he really was...meek.

Momota was trying to help break him out of that shell.

“You should keep to yourself,” Maki said simply.

She didn’t care much either way.

“Sorry, Harukawa-san.”

“Isn’t that a bit too snippy of you, Harukawa-san?” Amami asked. Her eyes narrowed as Saihara flustered the slightest bit as Amami hummed over his shoulder. Despite that, Saihara didn’t shrink in on himself as he usually did. Even as Amami went on that, “Saihara-kun was just showing concern for his classmates. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No,” she replied. “But I would rather not be engaged.”

“So cold! Ah, but, I understand.” Amami gave a calm, easy smile. “We can’t all be Akamatsu-san. You know, Harukawa-san, it’s unhealthy to limit yourself to one person.”

“That’s none of your concern.” Her voice hardens. “Not at all.”

“Amami-kun,” Saihara muttered to him. “It’s fine.”

She saw how his eyes darted, from her to Amami to Akamatsu. Akamatsu who was currently smiling widely and nodding enthusiastically. Momota was saying something, to which she agreed, with pumped up fists and a shining confidence. Toujou simply cleared her throat.

“Oh,” Shirogane says, turning in their direction. Ouma perks up, blinking at them tiredly, with a flicker of mischief in his eyes as he straightened up from where he’d been lying his head on the desk. Shirogane’s grin was wide, with gleaming light reflected off her glasses. “Is there something you all were thinking?”

“Saihara-kun?” Kaede wonders, head tilting. “Amami-kun?”

“Ah, no, sorry,” Saihara said quickly. Amami shook his head apologetically.

Maki held her stare, and said nothing. Kaede’s smile didn’t fade.

“Well,” she said. “We can continue this discussion some other time. The teacher should be back pretty soon.”

* * *

“Ah, Maki...”

Maki didn’t say anything then, either, arms tightening around Kaede’s waist, face buried in the back of her shoulder.

“Nightmares again?” Kaede asked, softly and carefully. “Hey, Maki... What do you say about staying over at my place tonight?”

“Already?” Maki asked, the word muffled against the dark blue fabric of her uniform. “You move fast, Kaede.”

“What do you mean?” Kaede was grinning. She could hear it in her voice. “As far as anyone else is concerned, this is just a friendly little sleepover between _friends_.”

In the orange light of sunset, Kaede’s smile is almost cloaked in sharp shadow.

Maki snorted, and kissed her quickly.

“Don’t be idiotic, Akamatsu Kaede.”

Kaede simply giggled.

* * *

“No one else is here, but please don’t hesitate to make yourself at home, Maki!”

“Wow, you really _do_ move fast.”

“W-We’re not doing anything like that now! As you said, it’s way too soon! I was just joking earlier, Maki, jeez...”

“Funny. I don’t remember saying that.”

Maki slipped off her shoes, tucking them into the corner.

Kaede shot her an unimpressed glare, cheeks puffed and pink. She raised her hands, but Kaede turned with a huff. All the same, she followed Kaede further inside.

It was a lovely, modest little home. Modest size, modest decoration, pictures laid out. A piano in the corner. Of course. It was clean, of course.

Maki stole a passing glance at the photos. There was one of a couple smiling, the woman carrying a bundle in her arms. And then, a tiny Kaede beamed back, pulling on a sunhat, locked into the embrace of that same woman, and Maki stilled.

_...Huh...?_

“Maki? Is something wrong?”

**_No..._ **

“No,” she said, forcing herself forward, stomping that bubbling feeling under her heel. “No, it’s nothing.”

Kaede blinked at her curiously, tying her hair back and rolling up her sleeves. Soon, she smiled, slipping on an apron.

“There’s another one hanging up over there,” she said, jabbing her thumb in the direction of the other apron. It’s gingham, red and yellow. “If you want to help, the option’s there. I’m only somewhat decent at cooking, but I’m sure I can...”

Maki snatched the apron.

“I’m not taking any chances.”

“Okay, okay.”

* * *

Kaede, for what it was worth, could follow instructions fairly well. She was focused and careful to not injure her fingers. A good thing. Kaede was a musician, after all.

There was still a bit of time before the rice cooker finished. Maki stirred as Kaede hummed.

There was a ding, and Kaede began to scoop the rice into bowls as Maki poured the soup into cups. They both set the table, and sent a prayer before starting their meal.

“I was right,” Kaede remarked after her first bite. She gave an almost cheeky grin. “You’re a wonderful cook, Maki.”

“I’ve cooked for the other children on multiple occasions,” Maki pointed out. She blew off the steam of her tea. “So, this isn’t that surprising.”

“No, I guess not,” Kaede replied, still grinning widely and idiotically. “But it’s not just that you’re experienced. You put a lot of love into your meals, Maki.”

Maki gave her a look and made a meaningless sound. “Hm.”

“It’s true,” she insisted, a bit exasperated. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

_...love..._

“Alright.” She took a bite of her own food and left it at that. The food just tasted like food. Kaede continued to eat as well, and the silence dragged on.

_It could have used more salt._ Maki thought idly at another bite. She took another sip. _I could have let this tea boil for longer. The flavor is a bit weak._

“Mm...” Kaede didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. If anything, when she finished, she let out a satisfied sigh. “Delicious. Thank you, Maki.”

Maki set aside her empty bowl, glancing briefly at her empty teacup.

“...It was nothing.”

Kaede gathered up the dishes to wash, and she poured them more tea for the time being.

_It’s too weak,_ she thought. _I should have boiled it longer._

The water was running from the sink. Kaede was humming as she scrubbed. Maki hoped that she wouldn’t use dish soap to wash her hands. After all, that’d irritate them.

_It’s too weak._

She noticed that there had been tea stalks in Kaede’s cup. She wondered if any of them had been floating upright. Wouldn’t that be nice.

_Too weak._

She pours Kaede another cup. She blinks, and stares hard enough to stare holes. Nothing is afloat.

“Oh, Maki,” she heard Kaede say as the other returned. Her footsteps are light pads against the floorboards. “You didn’t have to, but thank you.”

“...It was nothing.”

Kaede once again seated herself across. Kaede smiled at her. The world was bright, she heard the ticking of the clock, and despite how weak it was the tea was still fragrant.

It was pleasant. It was nice.

She breathed. Something bubbled.

_This is a **painful** kind of familiar._

* * *

“My father’s been working so much that he just sleeps there,” Kaede said, lightly, like it was a joke. Only it was still too heavy. “Still, I can take care of myself just fine, and I can’t imagine how difficult it’d be on you in comparison.”

“It’s not that difficult,” she replied. “The children may be rowdy but they can all be behaved. They listen to me better than their foster parents, sometimes. Their foster parents...are kind to me as well. Very kind. I’m much luckier than I used to be.”

Kaede’s smile twisted.

“Besides,” she went on, almost vacantly. “You have a lot of duties as the class representative. Everyone in our class relies on you, Kaede. In comparison, I do my best to not get involved.”

“And that’s a shame!” Kaede exclaimed. “Our classmates all like you, Maki, and they just want to be your friend.”

Maki huffed, and she backpedaled.

“Well, maybe not all of them. You know how Iruma-san and Ouma-kun are, haha.” She rubbed at the back of her neck sheepishly. “But people like Saihara-kun, Momota-kun, Shirogane-san... They’re just trying to be friendly, I’m sure.”

“I don’t have any interest in them either way.” _I only care about you. Just you._

**_“But isn’t that unhealthy?”_ **

She crushed those words into the ground, twisting her metaphorical heel into them. Remembering Amami’s easy smile only irritated her further.

“You shouldn’t say such things.” Kaede was pouting at her. “Making lots of friends is very important.”

_But I feel empty inside._ She wanted to reply. She almost wanted to scream. _I feel empty and vacant around anyone who isn’t you._

**_So who could I stand to be around but you?_ **

**_...Huh...?_ **

_Why does that sound...?_

“...Maki?” Kaede tilted her head. Maki shivered. “Is... Is something wrong...?”

“No...no, it’s nothing.” She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Kaede.”

Kaede blinked once, uncertain, but tentatively nodded.

“...If you say so...”

They finish up the tea soon enough.

* * *

There’s a bookmarked page in Kaede’s worn book of sheet music. She turns to it, and begins to play. The top of the page reads  _Peer Gynt Suite Op. 46 No. 1 “Morning Mood.”_

She’s heard this song before countless times in countless things. Somehow, hearing Kaede play it on the piano is different from all those times. It’s a serene sound. A nostalgic one.

_Painful._

“...Ah, sorry,” Kaede apologizes, pausing in her playing. She must have noticed how Maki’s face twisted up. “I was told this was my mother’s favorite song, so I try to play it often. I still don’t like it as much as _Clair de Lune_. Or _Moonlight Sonata_ , for that matter. _The Farewell Waltz_ , maybe.”

“I see.”

“I used to fall asleep to my mom playing piano,” Kaede went on. “I’m pretty sure she’s why I love it as much as I do.”

**_Painful._ **

“What happened to her?” she asked.

“She was eaten by bears when I was little.” Maki blinked. Kaede continued. “We used to live in the mountains. My father used to be a hunter, but...after that, we moved. I don’t remember much else, but it was definitely really, really upsetting.”

She didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Not really.

Kaede’s fingers pressed down upon the keys. The sound was echoing, in that modest little house, in her head, in her ringing ears.

* * *

She and Kaede slept close together that night. Kaede was clingy in her sleep. Kaede was also warm, so warm.

Despite that, Maki felt cold. Very, very cold.

She didn’t know what else to do, so she simply pulled Kaede closer, held her tightly in return, and squeezed her eyes just as tightly shut.

* * *

Despite everything, unsurprisingly, life carried on normally for a while. School days passed as they always did, she and Kaede spent a lot more time together, either in Kaede’s empty little house or Maki’s smaller, emptier dorm. All things considered, this should have been everything she ever wanted. She should’ve felt completely, utterly, and absolutely fulfilled.

_Why do I still feel empty?_

**_Isn’t it obvious?_ **

“Harukawa-san.” How long has she been standing at the mirror, staring at her reflection? Long enough for even Toujou to speak up, it seemed. “Harukawa-san, are you alright?”

“It’s nothing. This is nothing.”

“If you need anyone to talk to,” Toujou went on. “Neither Shirogane-san nor I mind.”

“I don’t,” she said. “I don’t need anyone.”

“...If that is what you insist.”

She quickly turned on her heel, brushing past, brushing irritated fingers through her hair as she did. She walked and walked, glanced outside to see some of her classmates laughing. Chabashira was lifting Yumeno up in the air. Ouma seemed to be bullying Gonta into doing the same. Yonaga seemed to be bow-legged and praying, with Shinguuji seated close by, likely watching them all so curiously.

She walked on and on. She passed by the library. Amami had dozed off upon Saihara’s shoulder, and Saihara was making a face but also making no motion to stir. Saihara did, however, perk up. She walked on before their eyes could meet, doing them both a favor.

_I don’t need anyone. I don’t. Need anyone._

Kaede would be practicing again. This time, she recognizes the song.

Chopin. Étude in A minor, Op 25 No.11, _“Le vent d'hiver - Winter Wind.”_

She steps inside. Kaede perked up, and turned to her with a smile.

“Good afternoon, Maki.”

She shuffled her feet, and nodded.

“Good afternoon.”

* * *

_When did this emptiness start? How long has it been? I wouldn’t know the answer for that for sure, but..._

She does remember. She was really young, but also really, really troubled. She caused so many problems that she had to be bounced around until she came across a pair who had been willing to put up with her. Willing to be patient and kind. Willing to stroke her hair and tell her it was okay over and over after she woke them up with her screaming.

She still hadn’t believed them. She still felt empty, but, she hadn’t fallen apart, either. For that, she was grateful. For that, she threw herself into helping them care for the other children there. Cooking, cleaning, even singing those children to sleep when necessary. She had to show her gratitude. She had to show her worth. She had to scrub her hands clean until the blood came out—

“Maki.” She snapped out of it, blinking blearily at the various flavors of ice cream. They still blurred together into a swirling, swirling mess. “Which one do you want, Maki?”

“Praline.”

“Praline and maple, please!” Kaede chirped, bouncing on her heels. Maki glanced towards her, lips twisting, as Kaede pulled out some notes to pay with. “Thank you very much.”

She turned to find a place to sit, picking a table by the window. Kaede soon came by with both their bowls, setting them out and once again taking the seat across from her.

“Aah, mmm!” Kaede squealed with muffled delight as she took a bite. “So sweet! It’s true! When you’re with someone you love, ice cream tastes sweeter!”

“Where did you hear that?” Maki asked dully, taking a bite of her own. At the taste, her eyes narrowed, brow furrowing.

Kaede laughed. “It’s really sweet, isn’t it?”

Maki scoffed, and looked away with an irritated blush. “S-So what if it is?”

“Lemme taste!”

“Urgh, so noisy.”

She did scoop up a spoonful of her ice cream, however, and stuck it into Kaede’s waiting mouth. Kaede did the same with her ice cream, and Maki took the bite without complaint. It’s an indirect kiss, of course, but with how much spit-swapping the two of them do, it really, really isn’t that notable.

“Mm, Maki... Your ice cream is so sweet...”

“Yours is sweeter.”

Kaede giggled at that. “I think you’re wrong. Maki’s is way, way sweeter.”

Maki frowned, and she huffed. She returned to nibbling at her treat.

“...it’s pointless to argue...”

Kaede grinned cheekily but she resumed eating as well.

Maki eats every bite of ice cream. If anything, it’s as though she inhaled it like she had been starving for a while.

“What else do you want to do?” Kaede asked when they finished. “There’s a new movie showing. I’m curious about it. Let’s go seeing.”

“As long as we’re together,” Maki said, throwing their trash away.

“Flatterer,” Kaede said good-naturedly.

Maki just latched onto her arm.

* * *

Their date goes very, very well. The movie was...tolerable, but Kaede’s reactions to it were precious and endearing. Kaede was still chatting about it animatedly afterwards, all while Maki squeezed her hand.

Everything felt perfect. Everything felt right.

It feels like...destiny.

“Ah, Maki, someone might...mm...”

Maki deepens their next kiss.

“Maki... _Maki_... Ah, _hah_...”

Kaede’s pianist fingers slip up her shirt.

“...weren’t you worried about someone seeing?” she asked. Kaede just giggles against her lips.

“Mm, well, it is dark...and people don’t tend to look around dark corners...” She kissed the corner of Maki’s mouth. “So, I think we’re fine. If not, we can chase off anyone who dares to peek.”

Maki nodded.

“Of course.”

They don’t get that far, of course. But it does get heavy between the kisses and the petting, and Kaede pants, face flushed and lips forming an o as Maki kisses down her neck.

“Maki, Maki... Ah... God...”

“Kaede...”

“So good... Haha...” Kaede purrs. “Why does it feel so _good_?”

Maki answered without thinking.

“Because we are meant to be together, Kaede.”

“Meant to be, huh...” Kaede blinked, and then she perked up. “Hey... Maki...”

Maki’s running her fingers through golden blond hair, humming.

“Maki... Do I...know you...?”

Her fingers stop. The world stops.

“...Maki...?” Kaede’s blinking those pretty purple eyes up at her, and then. They look so much wider and brighter in the darkness of the alleyway. “No... Maki- _chan_...?”

Maki pulled back.

“Maki-chan...” Kaede breathed, and then, “How could I forget?”

Maki turned and ran, even as Kaede called and screamed her name.

* * *

“Now, Maki-chan, please understand that we’ve been very patient with you.”

“It’s really difficult, isn’t it? Living in a house that cramped... So, it makes sense if...”

“If you can’t help but act out sometimes. But, see...”

“Being anti-social and a bit curt is one thing. But you can’t push the other children, Maki-chan.”

“Violence is unacceptable, Maki-chan. It’s so unsightly.”

“You’re a young lady, shouldn’t ladies be gentler?”

“Maki-chan...”

“Maki-chan, are you listening?”

Her tiny hands fisted hard into the edge of her dress. Cheeks puffed, head down, she didn’t say a word.

_I..._

“Maki-chan,” the other caretaker said, sounding increasingly irritated. “Don’t you understand?”

“Maki-chan,” the other-other caretaker said in a voice that was meant to be soft, but only sounded cold. “You’ve done a very, very bad thing.”

_I was just..._

“Teacher, I don’t think she did a bad thing.”

Maki snapped up and then, a chubby-cheeked blond girl stepped up, speaking more clearly, more firmly.

“I don’t think Maki-chan meant anything wrong or mean. Because...the slide had just been repainted, right? So Maki-chan was pushing everyone who tried to slide down it, because she didn’t want them getting paint on themselves.” And then, that girl smiled at her so brightly that it huts Maki’s eyes. “Right, Maki-chan?”

_Kaede-chan always understands._

“Ri... Right... That’s...right. What Kaede-chan says...is right.”

_That’s why she’s the only one I can stand to be around._

“Oh, Maki-chan,” one of them sighed. “You still should have _told_ us.”

Kaede gripped her hand.

“Well... I suppose we can let it slide for now,” the other said. “But next time, Maki-chan, tell us. We’re here to help; you can _trust_ us.”

She couldn’t. Not really. And with the way Kaede squeezed her hand, she felt that she, at least, understood.

And so the two of them walked out together, hand in hand all the while.

“Both teachers are nice but they’re scary when mad,” Kaede was saying. “So I understand if you didn’t want to say anything to them, Maki-chan.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Maki retorted. “I’m just...used to doing things on my own. That’s what was expected of me back at the house...”

“Maki-chan’s so responsible,” Kaede replied, grinning brightly. “But you can rely on me too, if you want. After all, we’re friends. Aren’t we friends, Maki-chan?”

She reddened. But of course, Kaede just bounced on ahead like she hadn’t really said anything that notable.

“Maki-chan, let’s play on the swings!”

“...ah...alright.”

* * *

That was the kind of relationship they had, in the beginning. That kind of easy relationship that only children can have.

Things can’t ever be that easy anymore.

“ _Maki_!”

Kaede’s grip on her arm is unforgivingly tight. Kaede is panting, chest heaving, face flushed from exertion and from before, but her grip only tightens even as the pull she gives is more desperate than anything.

“...Maki... Do you not...remember me...? We... We were kids... I mean... We were really young, but...we were close and we were friends, and...”

“Stop.” Kaede does. “That doesn’t matter. None of that matters. So don’t...bring it up anymore, Kaede.”

“...Why...?” Kaede sounds breathless. “What’s wrong? Maki-cha—”

“It’s _just_ Maki.”

“...Maki,” Kaede corrected herself with a stiff nod. “I...don’t understand. What’s wrong? What happened? So what if we knew each other as kids? What’s the big _deal_?”

“It’s...” Here, Maki trails off. Maki hesitates.

Despite everything, Kaede seemed to understand.

“You don’t remember everything either,” she said. “In that case, then...it really doesn’t matter. Still, I don’t get why you’re making a big deal out of this.”

_I don’t get it either. But...something’s wrong. Something’s off. It’s unsettling. It’s despairing._

“Kaede...” She stops, but there’s a warning tone to her voice. Then, she huffed. “Look. I just... I...”

* * *

Running through the woods, screaming for help.

* * *

She trailed off. “I...”

* * *

“Help me! Please! Help!”

* * *

She hesitated. “I...just...”

* * *

“Mom! **_MOM_**!!! No! _No_!”

* * *

“...no...”

* * *

And then, the bears catch up, gobble her up, leaving blood _all_

**_over_ **

* * *

“...Maki...?”

Kaede squeezed her shoulders, Kaede gave her a careful shake. A shudder went down Maki’s spine.

_So that’s what it was. So that’s all it ever was._

“Maki, what’s...wrong? You blanked out for a moment? Did you...remem...?”

Maki shoved her away.

“...stay away from me.” She stepped back, trembling all over. “You should...stay away from me. Kaede, I... I’m sorry. I’ve been...so careless...”

“I don’t understand,” Kaede returned with, pleading. “Maki, what’s _wrong_?”

_I’ve been so careless._

“It’s for the best if we don’t discuss things further,” she found herself saying. “It’s for the best if you just let it go.”

_I’ve been such an empty person since. Until I met you again._

“Maki,” Kaede spoke, a fire lighting in her eyes. “If something’s bothering you, you need to tell me. Aren’t we _friends_?”

Maki said nothing.

“We’re definitely _pretty_ close,” Kaede went on, almost scathingly. “So close in fact that I thought we were _dating_.”

“You thought that?” Maki asked, quietly. Blankly.

“Why _wouldn’t_ I?!” Kaede demanded, high-pitched and utterly annoyed. “We kissed, Maki! Many, many times! Not to mention, the way we spoke to one another, the way we _looked_ at one another!”

_We’ve been attracted to one another from the start. It feels so much like fate._

_If we’re anything, we’re soulmates._

“...This might have been...” Maki took a deep breath, and then, “This might have been a mistake.”

“A mistake?” Kaede repeated incredulously.

Mutely, she nodded.

“Oh, you’ve _got_ to be kidding. What even the **_hell_** , Maki?!”

“Your mother loved piano as you did,” Maki said blankly. “But you’ll never get to hear her play. Even now, every time you play the piano, your heart aches when you remember that.”

“What?” Kaede recoiled. “What...does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” she asked.

“I don’t understand,” Kaede said and her voice quivered. “Maki, what the hell are you talking about?”

Maki doesn’t answer.

“ _Maki_!”

Still nothing.

Kaede softens, even as distress causes her frown to deepen.

“Maki,” she says, quieter and fearful. “I really, really don’t understand. What’s going on? What did you remember? So what if we knew each other when we were kids? So what? I just... I don’t understand...”

Kaede trembles, both her shoulders and her grip.

“...You’re scaring me,” she says and her eyes glimmer with unshed tears. “Please...you have to tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me so much, Maki.”

Maki sighed.

“Your mother,” she said. “She... I remember meeting her. She was...very nice. A lot like you. You really, really admired her. You talked about her a lot. The two of you were really close.”

“I know all that,” Kaede snapped, rolling her eyes. “I don’t remember it but I know it. Dad used to say that a lot. I emulated her even though I don’t remember her.  Or...so Dad said, too...”

Silence.

“...what does that have to do with anything?” she asked. “Was Mom having an affair or something? You’re really acting weird, Maki.”

Maki swallowed.

“...Can you please let me go, Kaede?”

Kaede stilled. Her face went slack.

She let go.

“...it’s for the best if we don’t discuss things further,” Maki said and she pulled away completely. “I’m sorry, Kaede. Farewell.”

She walked away. And Kaede did not follow her nor call after her.

All the same, Maki felt as though she left her very heart behind.

* * *

Maki didn’t go to school the next day, and she didn’t answer the door either. The following day, she remained in bed, ignoring even her ringing phone. Eventually, her phone died and she didn’t bother charging it.

There were knocks on her door. She continued to not answer them.

She could hear muffled yelling. She could tell who it was.

“...ki...! Ma _ki_...!” Kaede sounded both distressed and exasperated. “Come on, Maki, you _have_ to talk to me!”

No, she didn’t.

“...At least answer the door so I can give you your notes and assignments,” Kaede said, sighing. “Toujou-san helped write them. Shirogane-san asked about you. Saihara-kun and Momota-kun did, too.”

A pause.

“...we don’t have to discuss things,” she went on, and there was the slightest tremor in the words. “Or, do you...just not want to see me anymore?”

Hearing Kaede sound like that hurt beyond words. Because of that, Maki couldn’t bear to respond.

She simply curled in on herself.

“...I’ll give you more time,” Kaede finally said. “You don’t have to talk to me. You don’t have to see me if it’s difficult. You’re a coward, Maki, but... I’ll respect that for now.”

She did, at least, have the decency to flinch at that.

“I love you, Maki. Best regards.”

Maki trembled as that was that.

* * *

She did charge her phone. It had blown up with texts. She now has more reasons to very sincerely regret giving Momota her number for their group project because he must have passed it around to the whole class.

Not all of them texted her, but enough of them did that she was scrolling through them for quite some time. Still, most of the texts she scrolled through were, of course, Kaede’s.

Shirogane had texted a few times, too.

_“Hello, Harukawa-san! It’s plain ol’ me checking up on you! Akamatsu-san said you were having a tough time. If you want to plainly discuss things, I’m open!”_

As had Angie.

_“God is looking out for you, even if you don’t pray!”_

And Chabashira.

_“If something’s troubling you, we can train together, Harukawa-san! Himiko also has some rejuvenating spells!”_

...speaking of Yumeno.

_“Nyeh. Sorry. I don’t have enough mana to cast a rejuvenating spell over text. But I’m still wishing you well, HaruMaki.”_

Of course, Saihara and Momota had also texted her.

_“If you wanted to discuss anything, Harukawa-san, I’m always open.”_

_“Yo, HaruMaki! Have you tried training? You have to train to fight your enemies, even if your enemy is yourself!”_

It really was...irritating.

_...they’re all such good, troublesome people._

Maki rolled onto her back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

_If they knew the truth... Would they still act this way?_

There’s no way she could believe that they would.

* * *

“W-What?! Stop glaring at me like thaaaaat,  _Hoekawa_ ! J-Just take your stupid things! It’s not like I wanted to be here, you know! You should be flattered! S-Super flattered! After all, your presence is being blessed by a goddess...!”

“Are you _done_?”

Iruma squeaked and practically threw the binder and notebooks into her hand.

“W-What the hell does Bakamatsu even see in you?!” she hissed. “Y-You’re concave... And have an ugly bitch face to match your ugly bitch personality!”

Maki simply held them close as Iruma went on.

“Y-You know... Bakamatsu and the others are...w-worried about you...”

“I do know,” Maki snapped, making Iruma flinch back, looking near fearful tears. “Iruma, you can go now.”

“B-But...” Iruma shrunk in on herself. “B-But I...had an invention, you see... And you’re the only person who hasn’t seen it... It’s like...super relaxing...”

Maki sighed.

Iruma was fiddling with her fingers.

“...I’m sorry,” Maki said quietly, head ducked. “I’m just...not in the mood for any of this...”

“Later, then...?” Iruma asked meekly.

“Later,” Maki agreed, and slammed the door in her face.

There were friendly messages written in her notebook. A lot from Momota, unsurprisingly. Though Toujou and Amami had written a few as well.

She didn’t read them, instead flipping through her notes.

She stopped, however, upon seeing that someone had doodled a lily onto one of the pages. It was messy, a little rough...and it wasn’t signed with a signature but a few music notes.

Maki shut her notebook with a sigh.

“...Kaede...”

* * *

“Kaede-chan,” she spoke up. “What song is that?”

“ _Morning Mood_!” Kaede answered happily. “It’s Mom’s favorite song! Isn’t it pretty, Maki?”

Maki blinked as she watched Kaede’s chubby fingers dance over the keys. She hit a few of them too hard, sticking her tongue out to focus. Maki blinked a few more times, and made an unimpressed face.

“I like the other ones better.”

“Ehhh? Really?” Kaede stopped playing to stare at her with wide eyes. “But this one...sounds like spring, don’t you think?’

“...I don’t hear spring,” Maki said, brow furrowed.

“Y-You don’t?!”

“That’s what I just said.”

Kaede whined at her, and Maki pouted right back.

And the door jingled as it opened.

“Kaede! Sweetie!”

“Mom!”

Kaede pulled away to go bouncing into her mother’s arms. Maki watched them blankly, envious...

And resentful.

“Were you good today?” Kaede’s mother asked with a coo. Kaede nodded happily.

“Mm, mm! Maki-chan, I’ll be seeing you!”

“...Kay...” Maki pressed silently on one of the keys. “I guess... I’ll walk home, then.”

_I only stick around to be with Kaede-chan. There’s nothing else waiting for me besides a house that’s already too full._

“Oh, is that really alright, Maki-chan?” Kaede’s mother asked worriedly. “It’s getting pretty cold out. It’s almost winter. Why don’t you let me drive you home?”

“Yeah!” Kaede chirped. She hopped out of her mother’s embrace to tug at Maki’s hand. “Or you can just go home with me! We have a big forest in the backyard. It’s really pretty!”

_...a forest...like in a fairy tale..._

“...Is that alright, Kaede’s mother?”

“Aha, I don’t see why not,” she giggled. “As long as it’s alright with your parents, Maki-chan.”

“They’re not...really my parents...” Maki trailed off. “They just watch me and the other kids. That’s all.”

“Ehhh? Is that so? But I’m sure they really care about you, Maki-chan.”

Maki shrugged.

“...maybe...don’t wanna talk about this anymore...” Her fingers entwine with Kaede. “I’d rather listen to Kaede-chan ramble about the piano.”

“Ah, really?! There’s so much to ramble about! Chopin... B... Beethoven...! Liech...!”

“Liszt,” her mother corrected kindly. Excitedly, Kaede nodded over and over.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

“You’re a freak,” Maki droned, and Kaede just laughed.

“Yep!”

Maki did smile at that, and pressed her forehead to Kaede’s before they went off together and she listened to Kaede chatter on and on as her mother would only sometimes interject to correct.

She still preferred Kaede’s presence on its own, but she hadn’t minded Kaede’s mother that much.

She was, however, still envious. Envious and resentful, especially when she thought of her own guardians.

They really didn’t care that much. But it wasn’t their fault. Not really. She couldn’t blame them for not wanting to take care of a surly, unruly child. Especially when that same child would kill someone later.

* * *

Kaede’s house was small yet welcoming. Kaede’s father greeted his wife, and Kaede pulled her around by the hand.

Her eyes caught onto the rifle that belonged to Kaede’s father.

“Apparently there are bears in the forest behind our house,” Kaede said. “My parents say to stay away but I don’t see why. I like the forest. It’s big and magical...like a fairy tale!”

“Like a fairy tale,” Maki agreed with a nod. “You don’t have to worry about bears, Kaede-chan.”

She gripped Kaede’s hands and squeezed.

“I’ll protect you, so...there’s nothing to worry about.”

Kaede blinked those pretty eyes back at her. Pretty. Pretty. Kaede’s always so pretty.

_Kaede-chan is like light._

“I’ll protect you,” Maki swore. “Absolutely.”

Kaede beamed. Like light.

“I know you will, Maki-chan!”

* * *

She slept fitfully, waking up in a cold sweat afterwards. It wasn’t a surprise. She’d been plagued with nightmares of blood and bears for several days straight.

“...Urgh...” She felt disgusting. But still so despondent as she shakily pushed herself off and went into the bathroom to wash her face. She glanced, for a moment, at her reflection.

Mussed, dark hair. Dark, haunting red eyes. Pale skin. Darker shadows.

_Kaede once called this face cute._

Maki squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

And another knock on her door.

_Ugh._

“Harukawa-chaaaaaan!”

_Ugh. **Seriously?**_

Out of all the _fucking_ people—

“I have no interest in speaking with you.” She didn’t even miss a beat as she walked up to the door. “Leave the premises.”

“Eh? Eh? So cruel! You haven’t even unlocked the door! Ah, well, when are you accepting visitors again? It needs to be soon because I _kiiiiiind_ of have urgent matters that gotta be discussed with you.”

“And why is that your concern, Ouma?” she asked scathingly.

“Hmmm... Well...” She heard that infuriating giggle of his. “It’s because I care about you soooooo much! That’s a lie! _Oof_! Ow... Bit my tongue...”

“If you’re just here to annoy me, you should leave.” Her tone sharpened. “Unless you want me to _hurt_ you.”

“Waaaah! Scaryyy!” A pause. A sigh. “Well, that calls for the secret weapon, then. See, I wasn’t actually lying about urgent matters... And see, I _am_ a man of my word when it comes to making promises. Even I’m not evil enough to lie when making a promise.”

Maki’s brow furrowed. _What the hell is he...?_

And then she froze when the door clicked open. Before she could even react, to lunge forward and strangle him for even daring, she seized up at the sight of Ouma stepping aside so that Kaede could walk inside.

“...Sorry for deceiving you, Maki.” Kaede nodded at her, and then glanced back at a grinning Ouma. “Thank you for...the help, Ouma-kun.”

“Anything for my dearest Akamatsu-chan!” he chirped. “Ah, well, that’s my cue to skedaddle. Before Harukawa-chan tries to _murder_ me!”

That word choice stung and she wondered if Ouma knew. He _always_ seemed to know, but...

It didn’t matter now. Ouma ran off and Kaede shut the door after he did. It was just her and Kaede, now.

Maki trembled a bit.

“...I talked to my dad,” Kaede said. “It... It took a while for my calls to get through... But when they did, I got him to explain...what happened to mom.”

Maki flinched. Kaede looked at her, and stepped closer.

“...Maki...” Kaede was speaking so softly, so calmly. “Were you really carrying _that_ on your shoulders this whole time?”

Maki stepped back, still shaking.

“You shouldn’t...come near your mother’s killer, Kaede.”

“Oh, Maki...” Kaede sighed and reached out, wrapping her arms tightly around Maki’s shoulders. “I’m so, _so_ sorry you went through that.”

It was warm. Sweet. Comforting. Kaede’s body against her own—

Maki shoved her away. Kaede landed with a thud and a yelp.

“M-Maki...?”

Maki saw a flash of Kaede, crumpled and helpless in the snow. At the mercy of bears.

Maki’s breath caught, and she swallowed.

Kaede blinked up at her.

“Ma... Maki...”

* * *

“Ma... Maki-chan...”

The forest was more big and vast than Maki had imagined. So big and vast, in fact, that it swallowed them up.

“I-I... I don’t actually...” Kaede clung to her back. “I don’t know where we are...”

“It’s okay. I’ll protect you.” Maki bounced the rifle in her grip. “I even...brought a weapon! So I’ll definitely protect you, Kaede-chan!”

Kaede nodded, sniffling.

“M-Mm...”

They kept walking, hand in hand, in a large and uncertain forest.

“I’ve never gotten lost, before...” Kaede mumbled. “But I do get lost when playing the piano...or when talking to Maki-chan...”

“I feel that way only when I’m with Kaede-chan,” Maki said. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll protect you, Kaede-chan.”

“Mm...”

It was cold. Cold enough that snow crunched under their feet, that their red fingers gripped one another for dear life. They pressed close together, and after a while, they sat down against a tree.

“Hah... Hah...” Kaede’s heavy breaths were visible, her shoulders shaking as she tried to press even closer for warmth. Maki did the same. “Maki-chan... It’s scary, but... A-At least we’re not alone... We’ll get out of here together, right? Because we’re best friends.”

Maki nodded, and then, Kaede slumped a bit.

“Maki-chan... I love you...”

“...Kaede-chan...?” Maki blinked once and shook her shoulders. “Kaede-chan. _Kaede_!?”

“...sorry... I’m really sleepy,” Kaede mumbled, shivering. “When I wake up...maybe we’ll be safe...”

“Kaede, if you sleep like this you’ll die!” she exclaimed, gripping Kaede’s shoulders and shaking her more frantically. “Don’t you understand?! You’ll die! Do you want to die?! Stay with me, please!”

Kaede blinked up at her weakly. Slowly, she cupped Maki’s cheek and nodded.

“O-Okay... Let’s get out of here together first. Because we’re...best friends.”

Maki nodded furiously in return.

“Y-Yes... Yes...”

She looked around, holding Kaede close as she did.

_Where...should we go? What should we do...?_

Kaede smacked her cheeks to snap herself more awake. But she still shivered a lot, rubbing at her arms as she did.

_I have to protect Kaede... I have to protect..._

A rustling in the bush. Kaede flinched, and pressed close.

“A-A bear...?!”

_A bear...?_

Without thinking, Maki readied the gun best she could.

The shot was deafening. The recoil was enough to knock them both down.

“ _MAKI-CHAN_!!!”

* * *

“Maki...” Kaede pushed herself up. Kaede reached for her. “Maki...”

* * *

“M...Maki...chan... Is it dead?”

“...I think so...”

Hand in hand, the two of them walked tentatively towards the crumbled body in the snow. Rather than rugged fur, Maki saw splayed strands of golden blond.

_...eh...?_

“ _Mom_!?”

Kaede yanked herself away, threw herself forward.

“Mom! **_MOM_**!!!” She screamed, clinging to her mother’s blouse and trembling far more than she ever had before. “Please, please answer me!”

She pushed.

“No!”

And pushed.

**_“No!”_ **

Maki’s legs went out, the rifle crushingly heavy in her grip.

“M...Maki-chan... What...did you do...?” Kaede was looking at her the way one looked at a monster. “What did you _do_?!”

* * *

“I killed her... I...killed...”

Kaede’s gaze wasn’t anything like before.

Maki swallowed, and shivered, as though they were once again in that cold forest.

“Kaede...” Another shiver. “I killed her...”

Kaede nodded solemnly.

“...Oh, Maki...”

* * *

“Maki...chan...”

“I-I... I...” Maki scrambled forward, pushing at Kaede’s mother. “G...Get up... Get up...!”

She pushed, hands digging in and then coming away slick with blood. She was startled enough to stumble back, tripping over the rifle she put down.

“I-I... No... No, no, no, no...”

“M-Maki-chan...!”

Kaede was by her side. Kaede was holding her steady in spite of everything. Even with the world itself collapsing, Kaede was holding her steady.

Even though it wasn’t long before both of them were screaming.

Kaede’s father and the other adults searching for them had rushed in soon enough.

* * *

Neither of them had spoken for a long time. Somehow, they still ended up pressed closely together on the couch, cuddled up like they had been back then.

“...it’s not your fault, Maki,” Kaede said softly. “I’m sure that... My mom doesn’t...”

“Stop it.” Maki buried her face into her knees. “I don’t want to hear it. She died because of me. Her daughter and her husband were hurt deeply as a result. I don’t want you telling me that she doesn’t blame me for any of that.”

Kaede silently patted her shoulder.

“...it did hurt...a lot...and probably always will...” Quieter, she went on. “Especially now that these old wounds have been reopened but... I think they’ll heal...maybe better than before. Even if it’s not...completely.”

“Do you really think comforting lies will make it better?” Maki asked.

Kaede laughed mirthlessly.

“I just want you to stay with me, Maki.”

Maki shook her head.

“You should not be asking that of a killer. A killer should be alone.”

“That sounds really lonely, Maki,” Kaede said. “And everyone’s still going to worry about you.”

“I can no longer join them. Not with my crime weighing me down. That is...”

Maki sighed.

“...all there is to it.”

_It cannot be helped. Someone like me is meant to be empty. I’ve always been empty. It’s no wonder I killed someone. Someone this empty can only leave behind more emptiness._

Kaede’s arms once again encircled her.

“...Kaede...quit being stubborn.”

Kaede held onto her tight.

“Kaede, didn’t you hear me? I’m a killer. A killer should be alone.”

Kaede squeezed.

“...Then,” Kaede said suddenly. “I’ll kill you. It’s only fair. You killed my mom.”

Kaede buried her face into Maki’s shoulder and bit down.

“...I’ll kill you...so that we’ll be together forever, Maki. Alright?”

Maki seized up, heart leaping at the thought.

“A...Alright.”

Their fingers entwined as their lips met, and Kaede pushed her down, pinning her to the cushions.

The two of them were breathing heavily as before.

“...I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll...”

As Kaede undid the buttons of her blouse, tears plip-plopped onto Maki’s collarbone. Maki breathed in, eyes stinging, and then, Kaede slumped with the saddest of smiles, eyes wet and wavering.

Maki sniffled, and then, breath hitching, she broke into sobs.

“Oh, Maki,” Kaede murmured, taking her into her arms and squeezing. “I promise. I’m not going to let you be alone. Never again.”

Maki held onto her as she cried with all the frustration and anguish she never got to release in all those years. She cried until she felt her very heart collapsed.

* * *

The world is a rather cold and dull place, but Kaede’s hand is warm, her smile bright like daybreak.

Despite that, there’s a shadow weighing on her that there hadn’t been before.

Many things have changed, again and again, in part due to an ever shifting Kaede.

“Ooh, it’s almost autumn!” Kaede exclaimed. “The leaves are turning different colors, Maki! Look! Don’t these red leaves suit your eyes? Maybe these brown ones suit your hair?”

“That yellow one suits Kaede, then,” Maki said.

“Ehhh?! You think so?!”

Despite the dullness of the colder ground, the colder atmosphere, the trees were awash in these colors the two of them kept pointing out as though without a care in the world.

Even outside of such things, Akamatsu Kaede remained vibrant.

“Ack! We’re wasting time, Maki! We need to hurry! We’ll be late for class at this rate!”

“I don’t really care.”

“You should!” Kaede yanked on her hand. “Come _on_!”

“Alright.”

* * *

The class was loud and excitable as always.

“Yoooo, HaruMaki!!! Kaede!!!”

“Good morning, Harukawa-san, Akamatsu-san...”

“My most beloved Akamatsu-chan! And Harukawa-chan, too, I _guess_.”

“Morning, morning!” Kaede greeted happily while Maki blankly nodded at a lot of them.

“Harukawa-san,” Shirogane said kindly. “How are you feeling this plain morning?”

“Mm...” Maki shrugged. “So-so, I guess.”

“Aah, is that all?”

“...yeah.”

There wasn’t much else to say. It wasn’t like any of them mattered save for Kaede.

_That is...what I think._

After all, she and Kaede were killers. Accomplices, really. So, they couldn’t really make friends anymore.

_Kaede gave up on that to be with me._

What a despairing thought. But, that said, Kaede was the kind of bullheaded person who wouldn’t let her despair. Kaede, in many ways, encapsulated that kind of desperate _hope_.

_...hope..._

What a funny word that was.

* * *

“There’s a song I thinking of writing,” Kaede said once, head resting on folded arms. “It’s a piano piece, of course. I’ve had the melody playing in my head for a while now. But I haven’t figured out how to end it.”

“So, you started to compose your own music,” Maki hummed. “Perhaps I should take up a creative hobby, too. Like write a book. I do spend a lot of time around children, so maybe a children’s book? Hmm, hmm.”

Kaede laughed, stretching out her arms and popping the joints in her fingers.

The library wasn’t quiet that day. Their classmates were bustling a bit, but not as much as usual. At times, the two of them could feel various worried glances. That said, they were not approached.

It was as if there was an invisible barrier between them and everyone else.

_...sometimes, it feels as though we’re still trapped in that forest together._

“Perhaps you can write your book alongside my music,” Kaede suggested. “I think my idea could work as a children’s book.”

“Oh?”

Kaede nodded cheerily.

“...it’s about two bear girls. Lost in a forest together.”

“Are those bear girls supposed to be us?” Maki asked, hushed yet affronted with eyes narrowed dangerously.

Kaede giggled, waving her hands.

“Don’t make such a scary face!”

Maki’s frown deepened. Kaede, smiling, hummed as though without a care.

“It’s wintry cold and getting colder,” she said. “If those two bear girls are never found, they’ll fall into an eternal sleep that cannot be woken from. Because, aha, bears are supposed to hibernate in the winter...”

Maki blinked once, twice, and her frown faded.

“...are they ever found, Kaede...?”

“I think,” Kaede said. “I’ll leave you to decide that, Maki. When you write that children’s book, tell me the ending, okay? Then I’ll finish the piece and play it for everyone. I think our class would like to hear it.”

“...” Maki’s gaze flickered to their class. Each one of them met her gaze in one way or another. Despite that, it felt as though all she could see were trees.

_...the only one who matters is Kaede... That is...what I thought._

“I think they’d like to hear it, too.”


End file.
